Unrequited Love - Leah's Story

How often have you heard a sermon regarding Leah, or read a book about her? I’m guessing not so much. Leah is the lost sister in the love story of stunning Rachel and scheming Jacob. She is easily passed over…and she would have been passed over in marriage as well, had it not been for her father’s trickery. This is her story:

Once, in the Land of Haran there was a man named Laban. “ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” (Gen 29:16-17) Two sisters: beautiful Rachel and ordinary Leah.

As Leah is introduced, we feel the tension she must have lived with all of her life. The older sister, always in the shadow of her beautiful younger sibling. No one gave Leah a second glance. But everyone noticed Rachel. I wonder how early this began in their childhood. I wonder when Leah first realized that Rachel would always be the favored one because she was a knockout. I wonder how many men passed right by Leah with their gaze fixed on her gorgeous younger sister.

We know, for sure, one man did. When Jacob came to town he immediately fell for Rachel and told their father Laban, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” (Gen 29:18). Laban, eager for a business transaction, heartily agreed. “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” (Gen 29:20).

Before we go any further, you need to know about this fellow, Jacob. He was a cousin of Rachel and Leah who had come to Haran to flee the wrath of his older brother after deceiving him out of his birthright. Jacob had conspired with his mother, and lied to his father to obtain the blessing owed to the firstborn. Have you ever heard the phrase “What goes around comes around”? Jacob was about to see his deception coming around.

After seven years of labor in Laban’s fields, he asked for his wife, without beating around the bush. “Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.’” (Gen 29:21). That very night, Laban hosted a huge wedding feast for Jacob. As the last stragglers headed home and darkness descended, “Laban took Leah and brought her to Jacob. And Jacob made love to her.”(Gen 29:23 italics added)

This part of the narrative may leave you with more questions than answers. How could Jacob not have known it wasn’t Rachel? Was he hammered from the party? Was Leah covered with a veil as brides often were? Was Leah privy to her father’s plan, or did Laban’s actions take her by surprise? Did she have any choice in the matter? And where was Rachel during this whole episode? Had Laban locked her away somewhere? I wish I had some answers.

As Leah lay quietly in Jacob’s tent, perhaps she hoped Jacob might accept her as his bride. Or did she believe that her only chance for marriage was to be brought to an unsuspecting groom in the dark of night?

In the morning, any hopes Leah may have had for a happily-ever-after were dashed as Jacob rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. When the rising sun filtered its light into the tent, Jacob stared in disbelief! He went straight to Laban and shouted, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” (Gen 29:25)

Imagine Leah watching her brand new husband storm out on her the morning after the wedding. Surely she could hear Jacob raging at her father! No, there would indeed, be no fairy tale ending. After shrugging off Jacob’s anger, Laban calmly agreed to give Jacob Rachel as a wife as well, in a week’s time – in return for 7 more years of service. Only eight days after her wedding to Jacob, Leah’s sister joined the family as the second, but beloved wife.

And what of Leah? “When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.”(Gen 29:31 ESV italics added) In a succession of pregnancies, Leah bore Jacob four sons. At each delivery, Leah’s comments revealed her frame of mind. Although the birth of a son ought to be a joyous occasion, each of Leah’s deliveries was overshadowed by a longing for what she did NOT have – the love of Jacob.

At the birth of her firstborn Leah dared to allow a spark of hope into her heart… “She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”(Gen 29:32). But her hopes were in vain.

“She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘Because the LORD heard that I am hated, he gave me this one too.’ So she named him Simeon” (Gen 39:33 italics added). 

Perhaps, at the birth of her third son, she was still holding out hope for Jacob’s heart to soften. “Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘Now, at last, my husband will become attached to me because I have borne him three sons.’ So he was named Levi.” (Gen 39:34) Can you feel the ache in Leah’s heart as she chose names for her baby boys? Maybe this time… Maybe now my husband will love me… maybe now he will pay attention to me…

Though Leah’s heart was broken, she recognized that God saw and heard her pain. “The LORD has seen my misery. The LORD heard that I am hated.” Interestingly, the name for God she chose was LORD, which is the name that refers to Him as a faithful, covenant-keeping God, who has a special relationship with His people.

Throughout the Old Testament, we see God as a faithful husband, constantly pursuing His loved ones. Over and over, His faithful love is spurned. He says in Ezekiel 16:32, “You adulterous wife! You prefer strangers to your own husband!” God not only met Leah in her heartbreak, He identified with her there as well.

After three sons, Leah still had not managed to win Jacob’s affection. At some point, Leah must have come to the realization that she was forever trapped in a loveless marriage. Did she simply give up hoping or did she consciously surrender that desire to the LORD? Fortunately, Leah experienced in the LORD, the love and acceptance she had hoped to find in her husband. “She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.”(Gen 39:35) It seems that Leah understood that the LORD could be enough for her in the midst of her broken dreams.

Ironically, Rachel had what Leah only longed for, yet she wanted what only Leah had – children. We are privy to an interchange between Rachel and Jacob in which she demanded, “Give me children, or I’ll die!”(Gen 30:1) And so the games began. Both Rachel and Leah took their servants and gave them to Jacob for the purpose of surrogacy, as an all-out competition for sons ensued. After both Rachel’s and Leah’s servants had borne Jacob two sons, Leah again seized upon an opportunity to sleep with Jacob.

As Leah’s son Reuben gathered mandrakes during the wheat harvest, Leah used them as a bargaining chip with Rachel, who wanted the fruit. (It was all over Pinterest that mandrakes helped reverse infertility.) Apparently, Jacob hadn’t been sleeping with Leah, but Rachel was willing to let her have him for a night in exchange for the coveted fruit. Was it humiliating for Leah to tell Jacob that she had “purchased” him for the night, or had things between them been so callous that she didn’t even care? “And God listened to Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son. 18 Leah said, “God has given me my wages because I gave my servant to my husband.” So she called his name Issachar.” (Gen 30:18-19)

Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun.”(Gen 30:19-20) Obviously, the longing for Jacob’s affection never subsided. But it seems that Leah was willing to settle for honor in place of love.

Eventually, Rachel herself bore Jacob two sons. And that is how the twelve tribes of Israel came to be.  WHAT???? crazy, right? That is another story for another day. And believe me, that post is coming! In all of the sordid details of this story it might be easy to miss this stunning evidence of grace: Leah mothered Judah! Rejected by Jacob, yet chosen by God to begin the line of Jesus... “The Lion of the tribe of Judah “

What was it like for Leah to live as a displaced wife? To know that her husband never wanted her in the first place? Unfortunately, countless women know that pain firsthand. Maybe their husbands didn’t say on the honeymoon: “You’re not the one I wanted!”, but after months or years, their actions conveyed those soul-crushing words. Many women know what it is like to have a husband choose someone else as their lover and companion, shattering their hearts into a million pieces. Unfortunately, many less know how to praise the Lord in the midst of their pain. But, at least for a time, Leah knew. She knew, as the psalmist wrote, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Ps 34:18). Dear friend, if you have experienced the sting of betrayal, and the heartache for being forsaken by the one you have chosen to love, you are in good company. Jesus too was despised by the ones He came to love. Judas, one of His closest companions, delivered Him to a mob of soldiers bearing swords and clubs, who led Him away to be crucified. He betrayed Him with a kiss. Jesus knows what it is to be forsaken, and He will give you grace to carry on, moment by moment.

I like to imagine that Leah came to understand and live out the truths found in Psalm 63…
“Because Your steadfast love is better than life, My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.” - Psalm 63:3-8

That is my prayer for every woman reading these words. That you will know the steadfast love of God, and let it satisfy your heart, despite your unfulfilled longings. That as you lay in bed at night, you will find yourself clinging to the only One who can uphold you. I pray that as your soul is satisfied in Him you will have the strength to offer joyful praise. And that as you are enfolded under the shadow of His wings, you will be able to say, with Leah, “This time I will praise the Lord”.