Dear Young Momma,

I wrote this letter to my daughter, who is a SAHM (stay at home mom).   I share it with her permission in hopes of encouraging other moms out there wondering how to find joy in sleepless nights, diaper changes and endless piles of laundry!

Dear Isabella,

Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

Walking through WalMart, I passed a large Barbie display with this broadside banner, “I can be anything!”  There were Barbies of all kinds, dressed according to their chosen professions: pilots, doctors, lawyers, athletes and more. I didn’t see a “Mommy” doll. 

Where is the encouragement for the noble and incredibly challenging work of bearing children, raising them intentionally, and building a family?    

As I thought of the display, it struck me. Your chosen “profession” is counter-cultural.  There will always be voices telling you to DO MORE and BE MORE. If you choose to further your education, or not; if you choose to become a professional, or not; know that you already have a valid and crucial occupation.

Who else can decipher Camryn’s cries, snuggle him in just the right position, or make him belly laugh with joy?  Who else will give him midnight feedings and rub his back, or pray continually for him?

Now that you and your siblings are grown, I can assure you these days are numbered. While you’re in the thick of it, I want to remind you of things you probably already know. But humor me for a sec.

Enjoy every stage of your journey.

If you embrace the gifts that God gives you at each moment, not trying  to rush ahead, or wishing for what used to be, you’ll find contentment and joy in each day.  Even challenging seasons can be valuable when we learn from them, rather than just grit our teeth and endure them.  There is wonder in every season. Keep your eyes open to God’s gifts and to the things He wants to teach you.

Remember that your son is God’s child,

whom He has entrusted to your care.  This is both challenging and encouraging. If you remember that you don’t own Camryn, you will treat him with respect and love him well.  You can also take comfort in knowing that God will guide, encourage, and love Camryn perfectly throughout his life, despite your mistakes and failures. 

Give yourself and your family lots of grace. 

We all struggle with sin, and need God’s grace every single day.  Anything good in us, is only a gift. Let His grace be the air you breathe in and then exhale onto your family.  (Oooooh, that’s a tough one for me to write , as I think about all the ways I’ve failed here .) 

You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. 

You are loved, accepted, and celebrated by the God who created you.  You can rest, living in your small home and loving your family well, even in relative “obscurity”. I beg you to resist the epidemic of comparison that has consumed our culture.  You will need to limit your time on social media to survive this one. As you know, Instagram is my nemesis in this area! Pray about where to spend the few precious moments you snatch for yourself during the day.  Commit to spending time with God, in His word, before checking social media. ( Hmmm…. there’s a challenge!)

Be content with what you are doing and what you have. 

Choosing to stay home and raise your child rather than go out and work means sacrifice.  You are sacrificing your time, your energy, your comfort, and your agenda for the sake of your family.  All good, and all hard. But you are also sacrificing the amount of “stuff” you can have. Because you aren’t getting paid for this work, you will not be able to shop and have ALL THE THINGS. 

I love the sign in Aunt Jo’s house that says “Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.” There is nothing you can buy that will give you more than a fleeting moment of happiness. But the longing for more and dissatisfaction can make you miserable.  Live content.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Walk your own journey with humility and gratitude. 

There are a million moms out there who are also working full time jobs while raising their families. Encourage them!  I have no idea how they get it all done, but I admire their hard work and capability. Don’t engage in “Mommy wars” about sleeping habits, vaccinations, breastfeeding, working outside the home, or any of the other stupid things that divide women.  Every momma I know is doing the best she can, making the choices she needs to make, and is desperate for encouragement. Be a cheerleader, not a critic!

Random things to keep in mind:

“Clean” is relative, privacy is a thing of the past, stretch marks are battle scars, diapers are not forever, and you really shouldn’t eat the whole bag of M&Ms by yourself anyway… but if you want to, it’s ok to hide in the bathroom!  Crying in the shower is perfectly normal and also while you’re driving, or when you see a sappy commercial, or a puppy. Basically, you have earned the right to cry whenever you want!

Finally, and funny that this came to me last, don’t let your husband become an afterthought.

Dad and I are entering the “empty nest” phase, and soon it will be just the two of us.  It has been a constant effort to keep our marriage a priority, and I haven’t always done that. But, a few things have helped us stay connected. I heard this helpful advice somewhere, probably while listening to Family Life Today, or Focus on the Family:
Connect daily, even if it’s just a few minutes in the morning, or before bed.
Date weekly, which may or may not mean going out.  We have good friends who put their kids to bed early once a week, order takeout, and have a date night at home.
Get away once or twice a year.  It’s a lot of work to plan and work out childcare, but it’s worth the investment in your marriage!

Thanks for listening. It may be that I needed these words just as much or more than you today! 

I love you and you are always in my prayers!
XOXO,
Mom